Exploring the Transformative Power of Penis Envy (PE) Mushrooms

A Journey into Balance and Clarity

By: Jocelyn J Joy


green purple and orange abstract painting
green purple and orange abstract painting

The Start of the Journey

As the soothing aroma of Palo Santo fills the air and gentle music plays in the background, I prepare myself for what I know will be a profound experience. With intentions set, I feel my body relax as the power of the medicine takes hold. I chose Penis Envy (PE) mushrooms for this journey. PE mushrooms are energetically masculine medicine. Intuitively, my partner and I see them as powerful teachers restoring balance to the masculine and feminine polarities within us. I begin to feel their effects within the first ten minutes.

It never ceases to amaze me how the mind often resists surrendering control to the medicine. Despite my mind's valiant effort to fight the medicine, I know my journey has begun. Fears surface, worry creeps in, and the background music becomes a mysterious language that speaks directly to me. As I travel deeper, I find I’m clinging to my thoughts and physical body. An indescribable discomfort reminds me to let go. I remember this feeling; it is resistance – I surrender.

The Loss of Control

I no longer have control; the medicine has crossed the barriers of the psyche. Images of my life come into focus; my entire world, as I know it, crumbles and dissolves before me, revealing nothing more than illusions. My partner, our wolfdog, the mountains, the forest, my home, even the need for words - all mere constructs now exposed as unreal. My sense of self, physical body, and belief that I am on a mushroom journey are all illusions. Everything I thought I had and had lived was nothing more than a story I had created.

The more I tried to hold on to these illusions, the more unbearable the discomfort became; thus, I surrendered. I realized I was not in a room, I was not resting on a couch, and my wolfdog and my partner were all merely figments of imagination. All that I had constructed was now dissolved.

The Effects of the Mushrooms

From this place, I began comprehending the unbelievable nature of what I believed was confirmed: the achievements as a single mother; the journey that brought my partner and me together; the selling of our house and moving to a new country; living in nature surrounded by mountains and forests; and defying societal norms as BIPOC queer women. Wow, it was not real. The idea that we need eyes to see, a body filled with organs and limitations, and even the concept of death was senseless and unnecessary. Even as I was melding into absence, I could feel myself trying to hold on to survival and sadness for what I realized was nothing more than an illusion. Yet, I knew I must release it all to alleviate further discomfort. And so, I did. My breathing slowed and shifted into what sounded like a radio frequency. Then, suddenly there is no sound. "I" ceased to exist.

Out from somewhere, a thought emerges. It catches my attention, but unlike before, I no longer felt the discomfort of fighting the medicine. I followed the idea; it’s accepting, seeing me, and loving. It reminds me that I have a choice, which is the gift. The ability to exist in human form and consciousness is the impossible possible. Living in human consciousness provides the ability to create whatever I desire. I am filled with joy at the realization that even if “I” truly does not exist, in human consciousness, I do; how beautiful is this? I have the extraordinary ability to create a life of richness and depth. I can feel, taste, find love, have a loyal dog companion, see, hear, live, and eventually die within this existence that I believe to be an individual. At that moment, I am enthusiastically choosing to exist in this unique, senseless, impossible way.

Gradually, I became aware of my body on the couch, our home, and my breath. The pictures of my life reintegrate into my awareness, and I witness them with a newfound understanding of my true superpower.

The Power of Gratitude

As my partner and I returned from our journeys, joy, and relief washed over me. I am overjoyed to see her and hear her voice. We share laughter as our beloved companion frolics through our home—tears of gratitude well up in my eyes as I witness this moment. And in the following hours, I continue to shed tears of profound appreciation.

New Realms meet the Psychic + Shaman

As a psychic and Shaman, walking in the physical and spiritual realms, I have spent my life seeking truth and aiding others in doing the same. I’ve yearned to remember who or what I truly am to live in alignment with that, and I have had the desire to detach myself from the physical world's limitations to exist in Truth. Plant medicine has taught me the beauty of life and that I am creating every moment, so make it great.

This marvelous medicine firmly held my head as it laid me back for my journey. It showed no mercy or subtlety in revealing the truth, yet it cradled me in its arms, guiding me back to life, balance, and a new perspective.

I am grateful for the presence of this medicine within me, and I eagerly anticipate sharing its wisdom with others through our upcoming retreats.